You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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