thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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