Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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