I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
