He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
