I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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