Pappa wants mamma naked
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
