Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
