Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
