So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
