Got a toothbrush?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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