I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
