Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
