its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
