epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
