how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
