Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
