it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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