There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
