please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
