Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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