did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
