You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
