They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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