I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
