Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
