My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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