They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
