My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
