dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
