he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
