I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
