eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
