omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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