Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
