I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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