Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
