so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
