Sponge bath it is.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
