Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
