why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
