i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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