I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
