My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
