you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
