So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
