Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
