I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
