If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
