I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
